I am in the “middle of nowhere” today because my personal values relate to belonging to “the international community” and there appeared some severe risks for this belonging in my previous life situation. But, honestly speaking, I am just a beginner in being a part of the international community. It was easy and comfortable to live in Moscow for more than 30 years, to work as a psychologist with Russian people, to have a couple of migrants from different countries among clients and friends, to speak English sometimes with foreign friends and guests, to study in a foreign University and to consider myself because of all these “achievements” as somebody who is connected with “the international community”. Now I know how naive I was. I was very limited in my bravery to connect with somebody and especially to work with somebody who is not from my country, whose mother tongue is different. I behaved as an open and confident person. However, deep in my irrational emotions I was 100% sure that I am useful only for Russians and no one needs me in foreign lands.
I told my close friend from Great Britain this summer that I held a lovely seminar in August. He asked: “What language?”. I answered him: “Russian”.
– “Do people like your groups?”
– “Yes, it seems so”
– “You should do it in English as well”
It was difficult to believe, but before my friend suggested it I had no thoughts in my mind that such a thing, my seminar in English language, could ever be possible in the nearest future. And I am scared to death when I am trying to imagine it in reality.
But the truth is I am really in trouble if I continue to be so “disconnected” with the international community as I was in the past while living in Russia. I have to integrate myself “here” to some extent where I want to be or in a couple of years the only chance for my family would be to “come back” (I am not talking only about geography). And I have decided that the language should be the first step. I should have social accounts that are held in English (I continue to fill in my Russian ones) otherwise I risk to lose the challenge almost in the very beginning and my international connections should be considered superficial and only situational.
August 2023, Phuket
